


Everything is Okay

by h4hahn



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Cheating, F/F, Femslash, Revenge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2009-04-26
Updated: 2009-04-25
Packaged: 2017-10-03 14:04:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h4hahn/pseuds/h4hahn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erica returns and proves nothing is okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything is Okay

The surgical wing is practically buzzing; I can almost feel the anticipation and wonder radiating off the other residents. They linger in the hallways, eyes glancing toward the surgical board every few seconds. You can nearly smell the electricity and apprehension in the air.

I feel her hand on the small of my back as she slides up to the nurses' station. "Hey…you okay?"

Looking down into her concerned blue eyes, she's so comfortable with me in the hospital, so unconcerned and unaware of our colleagues' reactions. She just is who she is. She helps me every day be who I am, or at least who I maybe can be.

But her worry today is not what I want. I don't want to be crowded. I don't want to deal with the feelings that this day is going to force to the surface. Everything is so new, and I'm not ready to deal with what I'm sure is going to come. Arizona and I haven't even been together long enough for me to know if she's the jealous type. Or if she's mature and reserved; secure enough to stand down. Frankly, it's too soon to find out. And I can't be concerned about her right now; I have to find a way to get myself through this day.

I shake my head and return to the patient chart. "Yeah, I'm fine." I nearly scoff and sign the chart, "Why wouldn't I be?"

She leans her arms on the counter and clasps her hands together. "Well, after what happened with your Dad last week… and I know he won't return your calls." She sighs quietly. "I just…if you want to talk…."

I snap the chart closed and look at her with a small, tight smile. "I don't…but thanks." I hug the chart to my chest, holding her gaze. "I've got rounds, so we'll talk later?"

She nods and tightens her brow. I turn to stalk off down the hallway and exhale loudly. I have to get through this day.

 

A tray smacks down on the cafeteria table, I look up in annoyance to see Cristina slide into the seat beside me.

"So…have you seen her, yet?"

Her face is devoid of the glee, and wannabe gossip, I could expect of anyone else. So I can't be too annoyed with her. She's trying to be understanding and supportive…in her own way.

"No." And even though it's hopeless, I say a silent prayer that it stays that way.

Cristina drapes her arm over the back of her chair and turns to me. I know she doesn't want to gossip, just to talk.

"Well…I saw her. And so did your new girlfriend. We had a consult with the family." Cristina pauses, most likely waiting for my reaction. "Needless to say, the blondes did not get along. What did you say to them about the other?"

My mouth falls slightly open and I turn my head towards Cristina. "I didn't tell them anything!"

Cristina smiles and turns her attention to her lunch tray. "You didn't tell them…they don't know about each other?"

I close my eyes and breathe deeply, "Arizona knows a little bit…but, I didn't tell her Erica would be here today."

The younger resident nearly chokes on her water and I reach over to pat her on the back, but she waves me off and turns her head to cough. "You didn't tell her? What the hell, Callie."

"I know, alright. I just…I couldn't."

Cristina coughs again and shakes it off, "You sure as hell better be ready to talk about it now. Because when I left the two of them in the hall, they were pissed. I mean, pissed."

I rub the back of my hand over my eyes. "Great."

 

A few hours later and after several questions, I find Arizona in the fifth floor conference room. She looks up from the files spread out across the table. I can't read her expression and she looks back down. Stepping into the room and I quietly close the door behind me.

"Hey."

She doesn't respond and I move towards the table, pulling out the chair at her side.

Laying down the pen atop her papers, she covers it with her hand and looks at me. "So she's the reason for your mood? Callie…why didn't you just tell me?"

I lick my lips and watch her eyes soften; there are a million and one reasons why I didn't tell her. But, what can I say now? "I don't know."

She sighs and moves her hand from the paper, to rest on my arm. "There's a lot going on in your head. I know that…I can see that. It's okay." She slides back from the table and rests her forearms on her knees, leaning towards me. "But, you need to talk me…You…You need to talk to her."

 

Arizona's words are ringing in my ears as I walk the hallways. I know she's right. I know it's what I need to do. But, it's the last thing I want. I have no idea what to say. I have no idea what it is I want to hear.

She left in the blink of an eye and never looked back. I didn't chase after her, like I should have. But every day, since she left, my mind has chased her. My mind has replayed that conversation countless times. What I could have said, should have said, would have done. But, there are no second chances. Life doesn't give you a do-over. I made my bed, and I somehow found a way to lie in it.

But now…I'm like the princess and the pea. There is no comfort in what I've done. No measure of solace that I handled things the way I should have. No reassurance I can give myself, to sleep at night.

I broke a heart. I acted in the most careless way. I treated someone no better than the dirt beneath my heel. How do you hold your head up, after that? How do you respect the woman you thought you were? How do you say 'I'm sorry'?

There's nothing that can be said that will undo what I did. Nothing that will absolve the guilt that I feel. Nothing that will give me comfort to sleep at night. But, I know I owe her that much. I owe her the chance to say what she needs. The chance to absolve herself of leaving. She was right to walk away. I was wrong to expect her to stay.

 

I draw up short as I round the corner, she's standing at the fourth nurses' station. Her blonde curls are pinned up, exposing the length of her neck, like I've never seen. Her back is ramrod straight. That iron resolve and courage that I always admired. The nerve of my Erica…I reel the thought back in. She's not mine; perhaps she never was.

Squaring my own shoulders I walk towards her. She subconsciously glances up at me, the movement catching her peripheral vision. I see her near double-take before she turns her full attention back to the nurse. I stop a few inches away, waiting for her to finish her conversation.

When the nurse rises from her chair and walks off to follow Erica's instructions, she still doesn't look at me. Her gaze falls to the counter.

"Erica…"

Her head snaps towards me, I see those blue irises blazing as she narrows them. "Torres, I could appreciate it if you address me properly."

I know my face looks incredulous. This is how she wants to start our conversation. "You're kidding, right?...I call Mark


End file.
